shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
