Farmville is her only friend.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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