I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
