I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
