I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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