Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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