I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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