she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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