toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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