They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am available for nakedness
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