matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize