3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize