I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
