I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
