ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my poor anus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
