is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
