How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
