that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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