The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
