Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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