I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
