Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
