I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
