That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
NoShamevember. You game?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
