I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize