What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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