you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
