Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
