That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
