it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
