did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize