i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
