i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
