enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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