Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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