If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So many bounce houses so little time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
