I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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