All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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