And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did I show you my penis last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize