we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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