Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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