Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
