Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
