I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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