He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
