I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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