Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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