Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize