If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
