I didn't shave. On purpose
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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