i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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