non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
