How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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