I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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