I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
