I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
