So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
