Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
