I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
