Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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