So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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