I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
