Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
