Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
