She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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