Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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