she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i'm inner monologue high
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize