Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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