It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
