whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
