I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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