Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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