HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
